Countdown

Finals begin this Friday. I'm aiming to take my unscheduled one that day, but it's dependent on me finishing my outline by then. So far, the outline is going well--MUCH better than last semester, so I hope that bodes well for my Civil Procedure grade, but I'm nowhere near done, and I'm not sure I will be by Friday. Maybe Saturday then. But I really would like to get it over with on Friday, because next week--Monday and Wednesday, to be exact--I have my two scheduled finals. It would be so wonderful to be done with it all a week from tomorrow!
Anticipating it is making me REALLY irritable and tense. I mean, my life kind of depends on this, law school is my last hope. So I have to do well.
I'll try to be calmer today. I'll drink "Relaxing" tea at work and maybe have my iPod on all day to drown anything else out. Yes, that sounds like a plan. Then, I'll come home, and study study study.

Interview with the Creator of Stealus

It is my pleasure (or displeasure, if you will) to have the opportunity to interview Vladimir Markop, the founder of Markop Processes, Inc., and the creator of Stealus, quite possibly the most user-unfriendly financial software in the world (second only to the unfortunately named Creative Revolutions, CREVICE for short (what does that mean anyway?) product).

LD: Mr. Markop, what inspired you to create this software?

Markop: There was a need in the financial community for software that looked like it was generating meaningful results, lots of colors, lots of dots, to make the people using it feel important.

LD: But don't those colors and dots have meaning?

Markop: Some of it does. The bar charts do, but the wavy multi-colored lines and sprinkles don't.

LD: To be honest, those wavy multi-colored lines never imparted much meaning to me, but aren't the sprinkles supposed to represent peer universes?

Markop: MMWAAAHHAAAHAAA! That's what I wanted everyone to think, but they're actually randomly generated dots. Same for the wavy lines. They're meaningless! But don't tell those business types.

LD: So what you're saying is that this program is essentially useless.

Markop: No, that's not true. If every little miniscule variable is entered 100% correctly, it will generate accurate returns.

LD: But it's quite difficult to do so: the headers don't impart any helpful information to the user, the "Help" function doesn't actually do anything, and if you call a technician, it takes a week for them to get back to you. And that's just the beginning....

Markop: That's the beauty of it. If a person is actually able to generate anything with it that looks somewhat correct, it gives them a feeling of accomplishment. Like they've done something very important.

LD: Yes...that's true. But that's not necessarily helpful for someone who is trying to get their work done in a timely manner.

Markop: It's status, my dear, status. Heh, heh, heh.

Parks & Recreation = The Office

I'm watching "Parks and Recreation" for the first time tonight, and, I have to say, it appears to be a ripoff of "The Office," but instead paper, they deal with parks, and instead of Michael Scott, there's a woman. But it has similar timing, and the characters speak directly to the camera, just like they do on "The Office."
Verdict: Not impressed.
It is way too obviously a copy. One of the actresses from "The Office" is even in this show. They really should have tried harder, or been more creative.

As a sidenote, I am admitting to having quite possibly one of the unhealthiest dinners on record: a crueller, a maple bar, and a scofflaw cocktail. Yes, it's shameful. I'll do better tomorrow. I'm too tired to eat properly, and for some reason, real food just didn't seem appetizing.

Reverse

I had another court visit this afternoon, this time watching a shoe buying agent request a motion to dismiss on grounds of personal jurisdiction a case by Adidas against them alleging that they sold or distributed shoes in Oregon that infringed on Adidas' designs. It was awesome! It had tons of procedural stuff that we had covered in class. The attorneys were very good, well prepared and snappy.
So, my enthusiasm is renewed. It's actually been renewed for quite a while, but this clinched it. Finals are in a week and a half. Please please please let me not just pass my finals, but actually do well on them. I want to be a lawyer. I want to do something important and exciting. But I need to pass my finals in order to become a lawyer. Please beam me good thoughts in this area. It worked last time when I really wanted a certain apartment, hopefully it will work again.

I Need a Gardener for 12 Square Feet

I didn't take this photo, but it's the exact complex of condos I wish to discuss. Walking back from the park on my lunch break, I noticed that a hired gardening company was tending to one of these tiny yards. No, they were not hired by the HOA, most people who live in this complex are seen tending to their little yards themselves. But apparently, someone just couldn't handle it. Hence the hiring of gardeners for 12 square feet. Come on, folks! It's really not that hard to trim two bushes.

Laura D=Liz Lemon

I recently started watching "30 Rock" online, and I love that show. It's hilarious! But the more I watch it, the more similarities I notice between myself and the show's main character, Liz Lemon. Seriously, watch it. It's one of the funniest tv shows I've seen in a long time.
Here we go on the similarities:

• When I wear my glasses, they happen to be very similar to Ms. Lemon's.
• We both speak German.
• We both have a tendency towards social ineptness, especially when it comes to talking to guys who *might* have interest in us.
• We both have a strong aversion to unfairness (See Pilot episode's hotdog line-cutting incident. Compare with me getting offended with tourist cutting me in line at the Vatican. That's right, someone cut in line at the VATICAN.)
• We both act rashly in fits of anger.
• Donuts are a favorite.
• Pockets always have used kleenex in them.
• Nerdiness is unavoidable.
• November birthdays.

The Crow

You think cock-fighting is bad? A crow in my neighborhood makes those roosters look like gentle little pets in comparison.
A couple of weekends ago, I noticed a crow wing laying on the stairs leading to the front door. Eww. Later on that day, I discovered through word on the street--literally, a woman was taking a walk with her kids, telling them this story--that two crows were in a fight, and one tore the other's wing off. Whoa.
Well, it's gotten even gorier. Yesterday, on the same set of stairs, there it was: a crow HEAD. That's right, I said HEAD. No body, just a head and bloody stump of a neck. In the same location as the wing of a few weeks ago.
That's really creepy. Not just creepy, it's ominous, I think.

Big Bertha and Whiny Walter--How Glad I am Never to See Them Again!

• Living alone, I can now keep on using the same dish/utensils/glass for several days until it actually looks dirty. Nazi Big Bertha* never let anyone leave a plate or anything out for further use because it was "messy." Hmmm. And I thought that finding cat vomit on random windowsills was messy. But apparently, that was just wrong. (Sarcasm, in case you didn't get it.)
• I can now put books and magazines on my coffee table, where they belong. Commentary regarding Big Bertha applies here also.
• No more listening to Whiny Walter* complain about how his white, privileged, trust-fund laden life (yes, I said TRUST FUND, it's true, but he won't admit it anymore), is so hard and that he wants to be an artist, specifically a writer. Nevermind that he cannot spell "chocolate" (true story) among other words, cannot construct a narrative with any sort of color or interest, and his favorite adjective is "a lot," sometimes spelled "alot."
  
• As further proof of Whiny Walter's imbecility, he believes that going on Caribbean and Mexican cruises constitutes visiting third world countries, because there are "lots of poor people there." Wow. If that's his definition of "third world" (ignorant term in the first place), then little did he know that he was living with formerly "third world" individuals.
• Whiny Walter fancied himself a vegetarian. His definition of vegetable apparently means nothing green or coming from nature, but rather pasta, cookies, chips, soda, instant noodle cups, and, if we all went out for pizza, it also includes pepperoni pizza. Nevermind that we ordered half the pizza with ACTUAL VEGETABLES and NO MEAT to attempt to accommodate him. He ate our pepperoni instead. We, the omnivores, ate the vegetables.
• Dovetailing from the no-vegetable vegetarian theme, Whiny Walter often clogged the toilet.
  
• Whiny Walter also fancied himself a cyclist. For a while, every morning, he would load his bike in the back of my car, saying that he intended to ride home after work. But he never did. He would either go to his friend's house who lived nearby and get a ride home from him, or take the bus home. I guess that being a "cyclist" meant carrying his bike around, but never actually riding it.
  
• Big Bertha was only nice to people when she wanted something from them. The rest of the time, she would snap, condescend, and ignore.
• In addition to being whiny, Whiny Walter was also a complete sissy. He would use my blow dryer more often than I did. He would take baths like an old lady with candles. (He set fire to the house on one occasion, which is what precipitated all that eventually led to me moving out.)
• Big Bertha would bring random guys home in the middle of the night. It was often the first time she had ever gone out with them. Really classy. Oh, and did I mentioned that she had to be treated for gonorrhea last year? She was exposed to it by a co-worker.
  
• Big Bertha used people. She was dating a very nice guy but she always said she wasn't into him. Did she break up with him? Not until after he repaired her bike. The timing was definitely not a coincidence.
• Whiny Walter is a cook at a restaurant. Oddly enough, the majority of his cooking attempts at home failed miserably (the one exception was a tomato bisque).
  
• Whiny Walter never took responsibility for his actions. When he started the fire, he never apologized. Instead, he just said that it was "no big deal." If he decided to watch a movie at 1 a.m. and it woke me up, instead of saying "sorry, I'll turn it down," he would say "but it's really low."
  

So, needless to say, after living with these two individuals, I lost all respect for them. Living alone is infinitely better.
*Not their actual names, but I'm sure you can guess who they refer to.

I Feng-Shui-ed My Bedroom...

...and I'm feeling better already.

Weekend Baking

That's my cute little antique stove in the photo above. It works great--the oven is WAY better than the full-size modern one I had in the last place I lived. I baked oatmeal butterscotch squares over the weekend, which was my first baking project in the new apartment. It was a success. Unfortunately, my skin shows that I've been eating sweets. Results below.
Maybe I should have posted this on my cooking blog. Oh well. Whatever.