Interview with Klaus Varley of The Literary Brothel

Dear Readers, the moment you've all been waiting for has finally arrived: Laura (BTJ) has interviewed the world-reknowned Klaus Varley (KV) of The Literary Brothel!

An off-the-cuff Klaus has proven himself as witty, entertaining, and intelligent as the finely-edited Klaus you all are familiar with on The Literary Brothel. Interview below.


BTJ: What do you listen to on those big headphones of yours? Does it help inspire your writing?


KV: That's not actually me. We have models do our profile pics. My model is obviously soft and fluffy. I chose him purposely, to promote new ideas of what is sexy. For the kids. However, I do listen to music when I write - headphones only at night, when I care to respect my neighbors and/or the stomping sounds I can only assume represent the frustrations of those who live near me. Right now I'm listening to "Down Under" by Men at Work. No joke. And no headphones.


BTJ: Historically speaking, do you feel that this is your time?


KV: I'm not sure. The problem with "this" time, is that it's still going, so I won't be able to look back and say, "Damn, that was the perfectage to live! Why did I always want to be born in 1900, go through the roaring twenties, struggle through the Great Depression, fight off the Nazis in WWII and become a wise college professor / leader of the Civil Rights movement in my retirement years? Oh yeah, because I've seen too many movies. The late 20th, early 21st century was really'my time.'" If that makes any sense then it really is "my time."


BTJ: What size shoes do you wear?


KV: Big enough to shop in the men's section. That's all that matters.


BTJ: Having at least three fans there, does your popularity in Portland, OR surprise you?


KV: It's a little surprising, but when I think about it, it makes sense. Oregonians tend to be more intelligent AND laid back, which is my target demographic, or would be if I had a marketing department. East Coasters might be intelligent, but certainly not laid back, and Californians? Sometimes smart, but hella laid back.


BTJ: Would you consider making any publicity tours? Like up and down the west and east coasts, for example?


KV: Hopefully. Once The Literary Brothel book is published (April 2009) and depending on how much / if it sells, there may be a mock booktour. Also depends on whether I can get Teddy or Parker to come with. Maybe I'll put up an "Eventful - Demand It!" button on the site, and see how many people in what areas would show. But I would love to do it - know any cool book stores?

BTJ: Portland is home of Powell's, supposedly the largest bookstore in the U.S. And obviously NYC has many cool shops too. Maybe you could hit a Brentano's there for the sake of Seinfeld posterity.


BTJ: How do you find time to run a literary brothel while writing a dissertation?


KV: What dissertation?

BTJ: I've been there. Specifically, I've been there while in Mexico. Thesis? What Thesis?

BTJ: Do you feel that your sense of humor is widely appreciated, or appeals to more of a specific niche?


KV: In day to day interactions, I adjust to the person, so I have empirical evidence that says my sense of humor CAN have wide appeal. However, for the purposes of a blog and a website, my writing style is probably more nichey...ie: appealing to those people who know that"nichey" is a made-up word.


BTJ: How has fame changed you?


KV: Since this interview is all via email, I'm not sure if this question is sarcastic, but for the sake of my ego, I'm going to assume it is not, and that you really believe I have achieved some level of fame. In a sense, you're right, but a TA has more fame on a college campus than I do in the literary world, so let me answer it from the TA's prospective: yes, fame has changed me. I can no longer go to the gym without running into an ex or current student, and man, they're alwaysin better shape than me. ALWAYS. In other words, fame has made me fat.


BTJ: Do you see yourself as a role model?


KV: Yes, but not in the traditional definition of "role model," more in the definition of "role model" being someone who procrastinates a lot, even to the point of doing email interviews when he should be reading Freedom from Fear by David Kennedy. But that book is freaking long.


BTJ: What do you like to cook/eat?


KV: Whatever my girlfriend makes. Seriously. She is such a good cook, I feel ashamed to cook for us. It's like dating John Lennon and saying, hey man, how about if I write the songs today? It's just not worth it. But my favorite foods are Chinese, Mexican, and Italian, in that order. I also have a weakness for a hearty breakfast at a greasy diner when the coffee is hot and the waitresses are surly.


Seriously.


Thanks for the interview! See you at The Brothel...

BTJ: Thanks, Klaus!

Check out The Literary Brothel today!

Last Thursday

Laura went to last Thursday, brought her camera, discovered that all six batteries were completely dead. Oops. No photos.
She did see a boat made of humans on stilts riding the waves of Alberta street. She had a beer and a margarita. She navigated the throngs of humanity crowding the sidewalks. She got yelled at by a DJ at Tiga. Oops again. DJ apologized for freaking out. No harm done. She had a fun evening.
Here are some more photos that she didn't take:

Obama's Lead Widening

LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Republican presidential candidate John McCain on Wednesday sought to reassure supporters in the face of some polls showing a widening lead for Democrat Barack Obama ahead of the November election.

At two fund-raising events in Las Vegas, McCain played down a poll that showed Obama with a double-digit lead and said most surveys show him down by only a few percentage points.
"I like that position," McCain said. "I like being the underdog."
He said he did not believe most Americans would begin focusing on the presidential campaign until the time of the Democratic and Republican nominating conventions in late August and early September.
"So a lot of this polling data is pretty much, sort of, you know, 'Who do you like?"' the Arizona senator said.
A Los Angeles Times/Bloomberg poll said Obama led McCain 49 percent to 37 percent among registered voters. Obama's lead, since capturing the Democratic nomination from Hillary Clinton, has generally been about half of that.
The McCain campaign took issue with the poll's methodology. McCain found a Gallup daily tracking poll more to his liking -- it had him and Obama tied at 45 percent.
Republicans face a difficult political environment this year with a souring U.S. economy and ongoing Iraq war punctuating the end of unpopular President George W. Bush's tenure.
McCain said given the economic conditions, he thought he was doing well, compared to the rest of the Republican Party.
"I'd like to give you a little straight talk. There was a poll last week that showed me three points down from Senator Obama and the Republican Party 19 points down from the Democrats," he said.
McCain and Obama are locked in a debate over how to deal with a mushrooming energy dilemma as Americans reel from record-high $4-a-gallon gasoline that has helped push the U.S. economy to the brink of recession.
McCain said if elected he would set a goal of weaning the United States from foreign oil by 2025, vowing to "break the power of OPEC" over Americans.

ENERGY INDEPENDENCE
Calling U.S. dependence on increasingly costly foreign oil a "dangerous situation" threatening the U.S. economy, McCain said: "Starting in the term of the next president, we must take control over our own energy future, and become once again the master of our fate."
McCain in speeches this week and last has outlined plans to provide incentives for development of electric cars, encourage construction of new nuclear power plants, permit offshore oil drilling and invest in clean-coal technology.
"In recent days I have set before the American people an energy plan. And let it begin today with this commitment: In a world of hostile and unstable suppliers of oil, this nation will achieve strategic independence by 2025," he said.
Bush has never set a date for potentially reaching oil independence. Foreign oil supplies about 60 percent of U.S. oil demand -- three out of every five barrels it consumes.
"Together, we will break the power of OPEC over the United States. And never again will we leave our vital interests at the mercy of any foreign power," McCain said, referring to the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries.
The Obama campaign launched a Web site, www.NewEnergyForAmerica.com, to outline differences between Obama's plan and that of McCain.
Obama has accused McCain of pursuing "gimmicks" that would do nothing to help Americans struggling with high prices and would deepen U.S. oil dependence, prompting the McCain camp to fire back that Obama is the "Dr. No" of energy policy.
Obama would launch a $150 billion, 10-year plan aimed at creating millions of new jobs, boost the manufacturing base and develop climate friendly energy supplies.

Interviews Galore!

Watch for my upcoming interview on The Literary Brothel, as well as my interview of The Literary Brothel's own Klaus Varley (photo left) right here on Brain Transplant Journal.

It's so exciting that I'm sure you all can hardly stand it!

Touch of Grey

I've noticed something: every advertisement that is targeted at men has women in it (yes, I realize that this is not an epiphany). Beer, Viagra (well, duh!), hair dye, razors, redneck cars, fast food. You name it. Buy this product, and you'll attract women! Never actually true though. If you're an idiot, hair dye won't help.
This confirms my suspicion that guys are lame. Their sole motivation in life is women. Advertisements for women, on the other hand, occasionally feature men, but usually, the women in the ad put them down or mock them in some way. Interesting.
Women are also stupid (myself included). Women usually only want the men that are somehow unavailable. Why?
Hair dye never helps anyone, really.

Introducing My Friend's New Blog

My friend Bruno just started his own blog to chronicle his European adventure this summer, which I'm joining him on for two weeks. So check it out, he's very funny:
Uruguayan Sheep Alive!

Alarm Clocks? Cell Phones? Same Thing.

Part II of Alarm Clock Fun, or, Laura is Not a Morning Person

This morning, 7:00 a.m.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

My alarm clock goes off. I roll over, hit the snooze button. Eyes still closed, I say in loud mumble: "Hello!"

Then I realize, no, I did not just answer my phone. That was my alarm clock. I don't need to talk to it. It won't actually respond.

I roll over and go to sleep for another ten minutes. Alarm clock goes off three more times, and snooze button is hit again three more times.

Ugh. Good morning.

One to Watch: Pierre Poodle

I wrote this back in January, but never published it. I think I just forgot. But I found it today, and it made me laugh (yes, I find myself hilarious). Enjoy.

You might recognize Pierre from the catwalks and the pages of high fashion magazines. The intense gaze is of this up-and-coming pooch is quickly becoming nationally renowned.
Pierre, who has multi-million-dollar contracts with Missoni and Souchi to model sweaters, divides his time between Portland, OR and Paris, France. In Portland, he resides with a one-eyed philosophy professor in the earthy south east district. He relaxes during his stay there, preferring to lounge around in Portland’s ample greenspaces, frequent the multitudes of increasingly popular dog social clubs (including the highly exclusive Lexi Dog Social Club), and grabs quick nibbles at All-Pooches Bakery and Bowser Boutique.

During fashion season, Pierre makes use of his Parisian abode, living happily with his girlfriend Anichka, a snow-white Samoyed from the Ukraine. When this glamorous couple hits the streets, heads certainly turn! The two met during a fashion shoot two years ago for Calvin Klein, whereupon a whirlwind romance ensued.

Pierre, a native Californian, has an illustrious pedigree: his great-grandfather was John Steinbeck’s dog Charley. Additionally, on his mother’s side of the family, he is distantly related to German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer’s poodles, Atma and Butz.

Keep your eyes open for Pierre, who stars next year opposite the sultry Salma Hayek in his first film. This poodle’s star is definitely on the rise!

SEC Investigation

I just nearly had a heart attack. Checking my tracker stats, I noticed that SEC.gov viewed my blog today, specifically the posting "The Board Members Were Happy With My Report." That post was about how the company I work for was featured in Honolulu's newspaper in a story about how our clients' board members were pleased with a performance report that I wrote. The SEC's search terms: C.M. Bidwell. But they only looked at my blog for a few seconds, so I guess they weren't interested. But now, I wonder, why are they investigating C.M. Bidwell? Maybe this development will be relevant at work.
Okay, false alarm.

Weekend Update

Stupid Laura forgot her camera for literally all of last weekend's events. And there were quite a few.

I'll begin with an update on the Moleslaughter incident: turns out, it wasn't Moleslaughter, but rather Mouseslaughter. The corpse was still there Friday night, so Alex had the courage to pick up the poor little guy and lay him to rest in the compost bin. Wait a second! Poor little guy! That's not right! As my friend Liz said, now we're even. A mouse killed my car a few weeks ago by setting up camp in the air filter (see "This Mouse Owes me $500" post), so I guess now I killed the mouse. Probably not the same mouse, but he might have been related to the little bastard. It was sort of like a Mafia hit, I guess.

Friday night I went to a party, and while I'm not usually very good at parties, I did pretty well at this one, and even ended up making a couple of new friends. Yay!
Saturday night was Bruno's graduation party, which I REALLY was supposed to bring my camera for. Naturally, I forgot. It was a lot of fun, Bruno's extended family was there, so I met them for the first time. For the first time ever, Bruno appeared to be over-stimulated. Usually he's the overstimulator, rather than overstimulatee, or whatever. But when you're hungry, drained, and surrounded by a million people who all want to talk to you, I guess even the most stimulating can become over-stimulated. Amazing.

After my parents left Bruno's graduation party, they apparently stopped off at a grocery store. Shopping done, they returned to their car, and were just about to get in when they witnessed an armed robbery in process at the adjacent video rental store they were parked in front of. The sound of glass shattering, followed by one of the perpetrators running like greased lightening from the shop, greeted my astonished parents. My dad looked down, and noticed that the thief had dropped a big kitchen knife under their car. So they got in and locked the doors. Two more thieves raced out the store behind the first one; one of them noticed the dropped knife, and picked it up. The police came, accumulated information, and later notified everyone that two of the three criminals had been found and arrested. That's a lot of excitement for my parents.

So I had a busy weekend, and never got home before 2 a.m. I'm tired.

It was Manslaughter--uh, Moleslaughter, but the Chickens Attacked Me First

Okay, prepare yourselves: I think I accidentally stepped on a baby mole today.
My garden was a huge mess, overgrown with weeds waist high. I am not exaggerating. Ugh. The little paths between the beds are thickly layered with sliced and stamped down weeds, and as I was walking along, I suddenly heard squeaking. Uh oh. The squeaking was definitely coming from the weeds. I looked, but didn't see anything.
I avoided the squeaking area for a while, but eventually got engrossed in my work again, walked around again, and then suddenly saw IT. At the time, I didn't actually know what a mole looked like, but it was my best guess, as it definitely wasn't a rat. Anyway, this tiny furry thing with closed eyes suddenly started waving its hands around. It really freaked me out. I yelled in astonishment, actually.
But then the hand-waving stopped. I avoided the area like the plague, afraid that the little thing was dead, accidentally crushed by the foot of an unknowing human. I called my doctor friend, asking if he could save him, but he hasn't called back yet. I'm betting moles are not high on his priority list.
When I first arrived at the garden, and was changing into my garden shoes, the chickens were on the loose--three of them--and DAMN those are some aggressive chickens. They wouldn't leave me alone. I just wanted to change my shoes, but they started ganging up on me. If I walked away to avoid them, they would follow me, triple-teaming me, clucking and cock-a-doodle-doing (that means one was a rooster?), threatening to peck at me if I made a wrong move. And here I will betray my city-person-ness to the fullest: I was a little bit scared of the chickens.

I Guess Little Girls Weren't Making This Up

Single-horned 'Unicorn' deer found in Italy

ROME - A deer with a single horn in the center of its head — much like the fabled, mythical unicorn — has been spotted in a nature preserve in Italy, park officials said Wednesday.
"This is fantasy becoming reality," Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, told The Associated Press. "The unicorn has always been a mythological animal."
The 1-year-old Roe Deer — nicknamed "Unicorn" — was born in captivity in the research center's park in the Tuscan town of Prato, near Florence, Tozzi said.
He is believed to have been born with a genetic flaw; his twin has two horns.
Calling it the first time he has seen such a case, Tozzi said such anomalies among deer may have inspired the myth of the unicorn.
The unicorn, a horse-like creature with magical healing powers, has appeared in legends and stories throughout history, from ancient and medieval texts to the adventures of Harry Potter.
"This shows that even in past times, there could have been animals with this anomaly," he said by telephone. "It's not like they dreamed it up."
Single-horned deer are rare but not unheard of — but even more unusual is the central positioning of the horn, experts said.
"Generally, the horn is on one side (of the head) rather than being at the center. This looks like a complex case," said Fulvio Fraticelli, scientific director of Rome's zoo. He said the position of the horn could also be the result of a trauma early in the animal's life.
Other mammals are believed to contribute to the myth of the unicorn, including the narwhal, a whale with a long, spiraling tusk.

--By MARTA FALCONI, Associated Press Writer

Naturally, unicorns would live in Italy.

And Where We're Staying in Barcelona

Even many of the hostels in Barcelona are ridiculously expensive, so I turned again to craigslist, and I think I totally lucked out. It's a large shared apartment, and only 25 Euros each per night. And the person who rented it to us appears very nice: no deposit required, and sent along directions to the flat via pretty much every form of transportation, as well as useful Spanish phrases for speaking to the cab driver (if we take a cab). Not that we need that, because, after all, Spanish is Bruno's first language. So here it is:

Living Room

Kitchen:

Surrounding Neighborhood:

The Detective Was Successful (AKA My Paris Apartment)

In less than a month, I leave for my latest European (and African!) adventure. Since we're staying three nights in Paris, and hotels and hostels there are helluva expensive, I decided that renting an apartment would be the best solution. And boy did I find a cool place to stay! Here it is. Turn green with envy.

Here is the description:

All equipped 430 sq.ft/40 m2 for 2/3 persons 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1
living-room with a sofa bed, kitchen with bar, non smoking, towels and bed linen
provided, great neighborhood, all kind of restaurants, bars, shops and street
market. Well located appartment very close to the heart of Paris, next to Place
des Vosges, Picasso Museum, the Marais, closest Metro stations: BASTILLE ligns
1,5,8, crossroads 3rd, 4th, 11th,12th district. 3 nights minimum 240 euros One
week = 500 euros.

Living room:

Living/Dining Room:

Kitchen:

Bedroom (I'm going to make my friend take the sofa, ha ha):

Wheelchair Interruption

My friend Alex came over last night, and I talked him into going to the CD store with me. Three quarters of the way there, near the freeway overpass, we found a wheelchair. Naturally, he got in, and started playing with it. That grossed me out, because some sick person had been in it. Then he got grossed out too, got out, and suddenly wanted to wash his hands. Ewww. Then I noticed the stencilling on the back: GSH. Good Samaritan Hospital. Oh, so that's where it came from. How the hell did it get this far away? Being the good citizens that we are, we decided to wheel it back to the hospital, which is about 6 blocks from my apartment, then start over on the Weezer hunt. Everyone stared at us.
At the hospital, we were immediately greet by two security guards, but they were friendly, and asked where we found it. Apparently, they had been looking for it. They appeared genuinely happy that we had bothered to return it.
By then, it was getting late, so we decided to forego the CD store. Weezer will be bought today instead.
Somehow, it was way more entertaining when it was actually occurring. Sorry. I tried.

Seeing Red

Weezer's new Red Album came out today! I'm so excited! I gave it a once-over on iTunes (it's awesome, reminiscent of Pinkerton days, my favorite Weezer CD), and am definitely going to buy it. Maybe even tonight, if I have enough energy to walk to the CD store. Yes, that's right, I said CD store. I'm old-school like that. I like having the case to display and the booklet to read. Sure, I could download it from iTunes and then burn it onto a CD, but, no case and booklet. I enjoy the full package. Plus, CDs have way better sound quality than mp3s. Not that I'm against mp3s or anything, because they definitely come in handy, and, as I've said before, iPod changed my life. But Weezer deserves the very best. They're one of my all-time favorite bands.
Not sure what's up with the cowboy hats and Burt Reynolds mustaches though. Rivers was always so cute.

Hope Abounds

Obama creeps past McCain in opinion poll

Democratic White House candidate Barack Obama has pulled ahead of Republican John McCain in the latest Gallup voter opinion survey, published Tuesday in USA Today.

Obama lead McCain 47 to 44 percent, in a reversal from Gallup's findings a month ago, which saw McCain ahead of Obama 47 to 45 percent.

Both leads are within the poll's four point margin of error.

A matchup pitting Hillary Clinton against McCain saw the former first lady with a sharper advantage of 49 percent versus 43 for the presumptive Republican nominee, Gallup found.

Obama was favored to win Tuesday's final two primaries in Montana and South Dakota and also to clinch the Democratic nomination, possibly in the same day.

The poll found that 58 percent of Americans have a positive image of Obama, 56 view McCain favorably and 54 have a good opinion of Clinton.

But President George W. Bush's approval rating was just 28 percent.

And the poll depicted Americans as pessimistic about their buying power, with 55 percent saying they are worse off now than they were a year ago and just 26 percent saying the reverse.

Americans have not been so gloomy since 1976, Gallup said, adding that such sentiment generally leads voters to oust whatever political party is currently in the White House.

--Associated Press

Hat Tipping

Yesterday, I was driving down Killingsworth with the windows and moonroof open (it was a nice, sunny day), music blaring. I looked out the window, and a really cute guy tipped his hat to me (baseball cap, not fedora), so I smiled. He smiled back. It made me happy. The end.