Interview with the Creator of Stealus

It is my pleasure (or displeasure, if you will) to have the opportunity to interview Vladimir Markop, the founder of Markop Processes, Inc., and the creator of Stealus, quite possibly the most user-unfriendly financial software in the world (second only to the unfortunately named Creative Revolutions, CREVICE for short (what does that mean anyway?) product).

LD: Mr. Markop, what inspired you to create this software?

Markop: There was a need in the financial community for software that looked like it was generating meaningful results, lots of colors, lots of dots, to make the people using it feel important.

LD: But don't those colors and dots have meaning?

Markop: Some of it does. The bar charts do, but the wavy multi-colored lines and sprinkles don't.

LD: To be honest, those wavy multi-colored lines never imparted much meaning to me, but aren't the sprinkles supposed to represent peer universes?

Markop: MMWAAAHHAAAHAAA! That's what I wanted everyone to think, but they're actually randomly generated dots. Same for the wavy lines. They're meaningless! But don't tell those business types.

LD: So what you're saying is that this program is essentially useless.

Markop: No, that's not true. If every little miniscule variable is entered 100% correctly, it will generate accurate returns.

LD: But it's quite difficult to do so: the headers don't impart any helpful information to the user, the "Help" function doesn't actually do anything, and if you call a technician, it takes a week for them to get back to you. And that's just the beginning....

Markop: That's the beauty of it. If a person is actually able to generate anything with it that looks somewhat correct, it gives them a feeling of accomplishment. Like they've done something very important.

LD: Yes...that's true. But that's not necessarily helpful for someone who is trying to get their work done in a timely manner.

Markop: It's status, my dear, status. Heh, heh, heh.