How to Start a Fire at Work Like a Movie Star

Remember the episode of "The Office" where Ryan starts a fire with the toaster oven? That could have been me today.

I didn't really have any leftovers to bring for lunch, so I threw in some frozen chicken empanadas from Trader Joe's. When I got here, I realized that they were completely raw, and if I put them in the microwave, they would turn into a puddle of doughy goo. My solution: jam them into the toaster. Toasters are sort of like ovens, only vertical, right?

I cranked the dial up to the darkest setting and hoped for the best. A little bit of smoke wafted out, but nothing alarming. The cycle was done, and while some parts were burned, others were still doughy. So I rearranged them by, yes, sticking a knife in the toaster slots, and then had them toast through another cycle. My co-worker came in, saw what was going on, and commented that I had "made lunch entertaining."

The toaster started emitting a strange hum. I looked inside, and a little fire had started. But not a burning food fire, but rather a short-circuit fire, hence the hum. So I turned it off, stuck the knife in the toaster again to extricate the little empanadas, and succeeded in alarming my co-worker. "Do you need help?" she asked. "Oh, no, everything's under control," I replied as I turned the toaster upside down and started shaking it. Toast crumbs flew everywhere.

End result? Actually, surprisingly good. The photo above (taken with my cell phone's camera, also surprisingly good) is my sad little lunch today. A little burnt and definitely misshapen, but the crust actually got crispy and flakey like in the oven. Who knew? And the fire department wasn't called, always a good thing.